My Journey to God – I’ve Been Scattered More Than Once

Every day I listen to a portion of the Bible with an aim to have listened to the whole thing in a year. I started on the 2nd of July 2021. I use the YouVersion Bible App+Audio. I can listen as I walk, or I can read along with the audio recording. The app is free to download and contains a vast array of Bible study tools and plans. I am following “Bible in One Year 2021 With Nicky Gumbel”. Each day starts with a devotional that explains that sets out a theme between the passages and then goes into them in more detail. It brings the word to life for me and puts it into a modern context. I understand how to apply it to my present.

The devotional on days 49 and 50 really struck a chord within me and they are the inspiration for this post. The New Testament passage is Mark 3:31 – 5:20 which is quite a large segment (but it is over two days), a lot is covered in this portion of Marks gospel but the parts that struck me most were the parable of the scattered seed, the parable of the lamp and the parable of the mustard seed particularly when listening to them in the context of Nicky’s devotional. They reminded me of my personal journey in faith and brough back a lot of memories some filled with joy, others more painful.  

I am going to do a post on each of these parables and how I feel connected to it in my own personal journey, how it resonated with me.

The Parable of the Scattered Seeds

This parable is discussed twice in chapter 4 of Mark’s Gospel. Jesus tells a story to the assembled crowd about a farmer sowing his seeds, he describes what happens to the seed depending on where it lands (Mark 4: 4-8), then when pressed later in private by his disciples he goes on to precisely explain what various parts of the story represent (Mark 4: 14-20).

As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

Mark 4: 4- 8 | New Living Translation

14 The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”

Mark 4: 14 – 20 | New Living Translation

My Interpretation of the Parable

There are three main components here: the seed, the soil, and the farmer. The seed is the word of the Lord within us, it is the news that God loves us, exists, and wants us to thrive. The soil is the conditions we find ourselves in when we hear the word, and the farmer is the source of the word at the time of sowing. I want to take this further and describe the time when I was sewn on the path, the shallow soil and where I have been sown now.

As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up

I see this as when I was really young between 6 and 12. My parents are not religious or spiritual and all of my education about God came from my aunt, and a close family friend. They bought me colourful Bibles and took me to Sunday school when they could. At this point in my life there was no groundwork, there was no soil for the seed to grow in and so it was lost. It didn’t have a chance to take root.

Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.

I was extremely lucky and attended a private school in England which had a chapel attached to the dining room. We attended chapel most mornings and on weekends. It was a beautiful building, and I was part of the choir. I felt a desire for what being a Christian would mean for my life. I thought it meant I would always feel safe. I thought if I were confirmed it would make it all work. I would be covered and never be alone again. I went to confirmation classes held by my biology teachers’ husband who was a reverend. Each week for several months I went to the headmaster’s lounge which overlooked the grounds and learnt about the word with a couple of other members of my year. This time I am the seed sown on shallow soil. I was so keen, eager, I devoted myself to my study. My parents did not understand my decision, but they didn’t oppose it either. I was confirmed when I turned 12. 

When I was 14 my parents separated, and my mother’s mental health began to become a serious issue. In the face of so much anger and abuse my faith withered. I renounced God and became a staunch atheist because I was alone and helpless. Despite the efforts of close friends and dedicated caring teachers my faith died. I buried it. When I think back on that time, I am brought to the brink of tears, not solely because my family disintegrated but because instead of running to the light, I chose to slam the door on it. I know I was a child and responded to the situation as a child, but I am so grateful that God sent someone to scatter the seed of the word in my life again.

Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times

The third time the seed was sown by my Alpha course leaders, it landed on deeper soil. It has shot up and a year later is growing even stronger than ever, tended carefully by new and old friends, it hasn’t started to wither at all. I opened the door I had closed 17 years previously and welcomed God’s love into my life. I hope this time I have been sown in the good soil and I don’t get swallowed up by the weeds. Modern life is constantly trying to tell us what we should prioritise, and I am determined for nothing to overtake my faith. If I do this right the things I want, and my faith should complement each other. I’m trying not to worry too much about the future and to trust that God will provide what I need. I want to thank all the farmers that prepared the soil in the years before, I want to thank God for continuing to shower me in love even when I was determined to pursue my own path. I pray that in the future God will reap the crop of my faith and I will have helped spread the word to many others.

Admin To Finish

This article shares some really personal parts of my journey, but I am a candid person.  The images used in this article aren’t mine I found them on another blog written by Russ McCullin, you can find his original image here. As always, I welcome your thoughts, feedback, comments, advice, and most of all your prayers. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I urge you to be polite in your feedback even if you have taken great offence to or been angered by what is written. I am always learning and always willing to listen to those that state their point without hate or malice.

God bless you and keep you,

E.M.

What do I believe?

This is a declaration of what I, as a Christian in the UK, believe at this moment. I am new and I think ignorant, but I don’t view that as a hinderance to my faith or believe that my opinions should be discredited on account of it. Jesus instructed us to be like little children. When I think of children, I see them trust without all the facts, they want to understand but accept that they don’t or cannot understand everything, they express their emotions and are authentic. God wants us to be like that. To trust, to be authentic and to accept that we cannot have all the answers.

I haven’t included any references in this blog because these are my beliefs built up throughout my life but considered much more deeply over the last year. I have no firm idea of where I fit within the Christian Church here in Britain and this is the first step towards me trying to figure that out.

I am not trying to upset or discredit anyone directly, but I do wish to state where I sit on the following topics.

Love

God loves us all unconditionally. That means that even though we fall short God loves us. Even when we think someone is not worthy of love, God loves them. What we have is the choice to accept or reject that love. Rejection hurts God just as it hurts us when we are rejected in life. Accepting the offer of that love, acknowledging that we cannot perfectly follow God and need something given by God’s grace to make up the distance leads to salvation. I believe that true love is a beautiful gift from God and that it is perfect between two adults.

Salvation

God bridged the gap between our behaviour and what God expects by being born to a woman as a man named Jesus Christ. Jesus grew up and as a man was baptised and went on to sacrifice himself to redeem us of our sin and allow us to access God’s love and The Kingdom of Heaven.

The Trinity

God exists in three parts but is one being. There is God as The Lord, a parental figure guiding and desiring the best for us acting as both the nurturing and critical parent. There is God as humankind, Jesus the Son of God born by a remarkable woman, Mary, who redeemed us all in the eyes of God. He was able to connect with us on physical level and gave us the Gospels. He taught us how to move past the Old Testament Law so that everyone could come to experience God’s love and grace. Finally, the Holy Spirit, I see this like a child enabling us to be curious, to feel our emotions and God’s presence in the moment. To spur us to action and give us the little push we need to be brave.

Communion

To me the last supper was an invitation for us to remember and thank God for the redemption we were gifted. I think it is a metaphor and that Communion can be celebrated at home with friends over any food or drink not just bread (or wafers) and wine (or grape juice). I think any Christian that believe Jesus came and sacrificed himself through Gods will to save us can lead a ‘communion’ the important part is to thank God for the gifts we have been given.

Organised Religion

Jesus is the head of the Church and any that believe in him have the right to be a member of that Church and spread what is truly fantastic news. We are all priests in that regard. I believe God has gifted some with ability to share the truth of God’s News more effectively than others. I also believe that there is a place for structure particularly as things grow in size. I can’t get away from the fact that Jesus spent a lot of time throwing religious leaders out of their temples though. I think the devil can lay many traps for those in religious authority and that we need to be very careful when considering what is truly important to God and therefore what should be important to us. I do not think anyone should be kept from a position of authority within a Church on grounds of gender identity, sexual orientation, age, race, or any other label. God made all of us in their image. It is ludicrous to pick one label over another. God is the I Am, God is all things, all peoples. To discriminate against a particular label discriminates against a part of God.

That’s all I have in me for now. I really welcome your thoughts, feedback, comments, advice, and most of all your prayers. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I urge you to be polite in your feedback even if you have taken great offence to or been angered by what is written. I am always learning and always willing to listen to those that state their point without hate or malice.

God bless you and keep you,

E.M.